Vending Machines

(Vending machines. Vending machines.
Think what we're spending on vending machines.)
Ain't it stupendous, the things that they vend us in various vending machines.

Vending machines sell you apples and combs,
Stockings and sandwiches, split level homes,
Toothpaste and popcorn, and also they sell,
Squirts of shanel to improve how you smell.
(Squirts of shanel to improve how you smell.)

There's one at the drug store I use all the time.
It sells me eight cents worth of stamps for a dime.
And last week I read in three news magazines,
They've got vending machines that sell vending machines.

(Vending machines. Vending machines.
Is there no ending to vending machines?)
Everyone searches for new things to purchase wonderful vending machines.

Down at the airport you'll find a machine,
With travel insurance so you'll feel sureen.
Just drop in a quarter and if you should crash,
You lucky stiff, you've got ten thousand cash.
(You lucky stiff, you get ten thousand cash.)

Vending machines sell you cures for your ills.
Now they got one that sells birth control pills.
But if you get pregnant please do not feel blue.
For fifteen cents for, it sells diapers for you.

(Vending machines. Vending machines.
Hattents are pending on vending machines.)
Everything I've got sent to me through the slot of a lot of those vending machines.

All over the world there are vending machines.
In Norway they vend eighteen brands of sardines.
Israeli machines sell you nice matza balls.
In France they just sell little plastic degalls.
(In France all they sell is a plastic degall.)

In London there's one machine fit for a king,
But the fog is so thick, you can't see the damn thing.
The Russian machine does the neatest trick yet.
It doesn't sell things. It lights up and says "Nyet."

(Vending machines. Vending machines.
Ain't they heart brending, those vending machines?)
Thank you consumers for buying your bloomers from splendorous vending machines.

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