(Parody of "Water Boy")

Seltzer boy
Where are you hiding
If you don't come right now
I'm gon' tell you boss on you

Oy.

Don't bring me water
I rather have seltzer
'Cause water don't bubble
And water don't fizz

Water I hate it
'Cause it ain't carbonated
But a glass of seltzer
On the other hand is

Don't bring me Pepsi
Don't bring me a Kool-Aid
Don't bring a malted
And don't bring me champagne

I'll tell you what boy
Bring me one scotch and soda
Then you'll take back the scotch, boy
And leave the 2 cents plain

Seltzer boy
When are you coming?
If don't bring that seltzer
I'm gon' tell Mister Meltzer on you

Seltzer boy
[Seltzer squirting]
That's better, could you put in a little chocolate sauce?