(parody of "Second Hand Rose")

Mother Nature made me
Strictly second-rate.
Smart but not good-looking,
What an awful fate.

Girls don't go for IQ.
Eggheads ain't their style.
They don't say, "I like you."
They don't even smile.

Well, Mother Nature, I'll get back at you.
Tomorrow morning, here's what I will do:

I'm calling Dr. Max Rose,
That's who I chose.
He's gonna make me
A second-hand nose.

I went to his office once or twice and
All his patients looked like Barbra Streisand.

Then I'll get second-hand hair,
Second-hand teeth,
And contact lenses
In a baby blue.

And elevator shoes, and then I'll melt the girls' hearts.
They can't resist a man with interchangeable parts.

Girls will go nuts,
Parked in my second-hand Stutz.
We'll sit there sniffing glue
On Second Avenue!