First you tell your draft board you're hooked on dope.
You don't need the
army 'cause you've seen Bob Hope.
Walk around the floor kinda nice and
loose.
Tell 'em your fiancee's name is Bruce.
When they ask about your schooling, then you say
That you studied under
Cassius Clay.
Then put some lipstick on when you're photographed,
And
that's what I call dodging the draft!
Then you show the captain a note from mom,
Stand there while he reads it
and suck your thumb.
When he takes your family history, state with
pride,
"Benedict Arnold was on my father's side."
He'll hand you an IQ test, just look at it with gloom,
Then fold it like
an airplane and sail it 'cross the room.
If they believe you don't know your
fore from your aft,
That's what I call...shirking your military
responsibility.
Clump around the floor like your feet are flat.
When they ask about your
hearing, just say, "How's that?"
If the sergeant wants a cigarette, treat him
right,
Set fire to your draft card, and offer him a light.
When you see the eyechart, don't worry at all.
Say, "I'll be glad to read
it, just point me at the wall."
And if the draft board acts in the usual
way,
You'll be what I call 1-A.
Return to "My Son, The Box" -- The Allan Sherman CD Box Set
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